A Tribute to Seagull

*Left: Kelly (a former student of Kevin and Seagull) and Seagull on a visit to Kelly's home village. Seagull was really into diving amongst the foliage for the perfect photo op. Right: Seagull in Kelly's bedroom... on her bed... for yet another photo op.

Miss Bao, better known as "Seagull," is a former colleague of Kevin's from his days at Number 15 Middle School. She's invited us all to dinner at her apartment a few times and entertained everyone by animatedly improbable gossip, harassing her poor son Bing Bing, and revealing intimate details about others and herself (such as telling a group of us, most of whom she'd just met a few hours ago, about her abortion). Anyway, Seagull is crazy but lovable. Below is an e-mail she sent Kevin this week that I just thought was too funny not to share...

Miss Bao called yesterday to announce she had broken her anus.

True. I'm not making this up.

I was speechless.

Miss Bao went on to inform me that she had broken her anus before while moving BingBing's bicycle.

Miss Bao said she "started screaming" and called the doctor. She screamed on the way to the doctor's office, in the doctor's office and all the way home. Once home, she called a friend over and "sat screaming" with her.

Miss Bao then declared, "I am now feeling better."

I said something. Exactly what -- I'm not sure.

NEXT

Miss Bao then told me she "saw Scott and "Scott was not as handsome as usual."

"Not as handsome as usual?" I inquired, "I saw Scott today at lunch at he looked fetching."

"No, no," Miss Bao insisted, "Scott is blacker and thinner now."

Blacker and thinner? Something akin to tanned and fit?

Anyway, just thought you should know that Miss Bao is keeping an eye on you, your shading, as well as your caloric intake.